“Is it me?”
Most readers of self-help books are women.(See more)
A size able majority of the books of this genre fall into two categories: one, how to secure a steady relationship with the object of your affection and two, how to change his* negative traits once you have him on the hook.
Before you call me sexist, ask yourself if the above statement accurately describes the primary preoccupation of most of the female sex. Women, we know it does. So just deal with that fact.
My purview is not ‘how to get him.’ Let’s assume for our purposes you have him.
Since women are nurturers and keepers of the emotional flame in relationships, when something goes ‘wrong’ in a relationship it is up to us to ‘fix’ it.
The first answer women are looking for in the self-help book is the answer to the question “is it me?” “Am I the problem? Am I doing something that makes him ________ (fill in blank.”)
If you are a pop psych book-hawker, you better make the answer a resounding “no” and spend five chapters telling why.
I could answer the question in one chapter, and with one word: “Yes.”
Yes, it IS you, because you picked him and you put up with the behaviors.
“Can He Change”
The pop psychs are going to all say the same thing “only if he wants to” and “you can’t change HIM you can only change YOU.”
Of course, then follows another five chapters saying just what I said above, but over and over. After all, you have to get your money’s worth out of the book, right? Because the author is going to write another eight books on the same subject and you will be first in line at Barnes & Noble.
Lastly, self-help books can be an addiction in and of themselves.
In subsequent posts I am going to give you an alternative approach to ‘fixing’ relationships.
It’s a game-changer.
*I am not going to encumber these posts with political correctness and use of his/her, etc., and delineate all the permutations of woman/woman, woman/man, L, G, B, T, etc. Assume for brevity’s sake I am talking about PEOPLE of whatever inclination sexually.